1.  Diamonds.

I am vaguely aware of some sort of evil/badness associated with the mining of diamonds.  I don’t know if it’s about the mines being dangerous or it’s environmentally damaging, but when I see ads for diamonds, I tend to think about African babies being forced to wear little hard hats and risk their lives so the Jersey Housewives can have gaudy jewelry.   No one is lining up to buy me diamonds, thankfully, so there’s never been a reason for me to back up my dislike of them with facts or statistics.

2.  Scented candle and/or body wash sets you got for 70% off at Bath and Body Works on the 26th of December last year.

There’s a reason no one bought the “Mistletoe” scented set of candles/body wash.  (It smells like death.)  Besides, buying everyone presents for 70% off the day after Christmas is MY gig.  Get your own.

(Plus, Bath and Body Works has put labels on their products for years stating that the “finished product” was not tested on animals.  Which means the ingredients were.  That kind of sneaky lowlife behavior disgusts me.  No thanks.)

Best gift EVER!

3.  Gift certificates for restaurants.

Not only does this say “I know almost nothing about you other than that you ingest food sometimes, and I refuse to put any thought into this,” but it also says “I assume since you’re fat, nothing could make you happier this holiday season than an Outback Steakhouse gift card.”   Ok, maybe I’m reading into that too much, but I generally have some pipe dream regarding eating better after the holidays, and getting gift cards for food is counterproductive.

It’s even better when it’s a restaurant I’ve never heard of.  Located 60 miles away.

4.  A picture of you and your family.

I don’t know what to do with those.  Is it expected that I’ll look at them and then throw them away with the card?  If not, then of course I don’t do that!  I cherish each and every one.

(I do admittedly like seeing them on Facebook though.  I’m not a total monster.)

These remind me of bad 80′s fashion.  Not at all worth realigning my Christmas storage space.

5.  Anything Christmas themed.

It has to go immediately into storage, since it’s already Christmas, and that just depresses me.  Plus, all my Christmas decoration storage is already planned out and is very rigid.  I can’t have some Christmas tree shaped tart warmer fucking it all up.